CHRISTMAS!!!

We are just under a week from Christmas and I couldn't be more excited... I have spoken to a fair few people who have said 'oh you've done so well, but are you going to have a break over christmas?' This comment is coming more and more, especially since recent progression shots have been published of me on facebook. 

I'm so proud of myself for how well I have done so far, but I'm not at my goal and even if I was, would I want to ruin it by having time 'off' my lifestyle...? The key word is lifestyle, not diet or programme.

My first thought, is how long is the Christmas period? Some people think It is a day, week or month. For me, it tends to be almost all of December! If I decided to eat whatever during that month, my god I would be the size of a house! Even if I decided to do it for a couple of weeks, I could do so much damage, it could basically render the last few months useless.

I currently have a 'flexible diet' way of living, gradually over the last month we have increased my carb and fat levels to get my metabolism as high as possible. Not only to make christmas easier, but also to ensure that from January I can really focus and return to working towards my goals...!

I am in no way going to sit there on Christmas Day and not eat what I want, please don't get me wrong. I will relax, I don't want to think about food all day. But I'm going to train every other day of the week and contain my eating on the other days.

The trick is, don't deny yourself, you will only crave it more... Then when/if you cave, you more than likely will binge on that item of food & more. The best thing to do is except you haven't eaten the best thing, move on, and get back to eating well. I've said it before and I'll say it again, don't let a bad meal, turn into a bad day, turn into a bad week, etc, etc.

My next blog is going to be a reflection on the year and what I'm looking forward to next year, so stay tuned and follow to have my new blogs flagged to you when I post them :)

Enjoy your Christmas, spend time with your family and relax. It is time to rest and enjoy yourself!

Happy Christmas (random picture of my dog Betsy, dressed as a Christmas pudding) x

Water

Last week I was spot on with my food, hitting my carbs, protein and fat levels to the number. I was feeling lean and actually pretty good, but something was missing. I wasn't quite as energetic as I would have liked and the feeling of lean was fleeting from one hour to the next.

On Saturday, I had my regular weekly weigh in and body fat % results, which are part of my personal training package. I weighed myself first thing, before eating or drinking and after going to the toilet (I know you don't need to know that, but it is my routine). I was shocked at the result, putting half a kilo on (1 pound on). 

1 kilo doesn't sound like much and it isn't, but for me I was then wracking my brain to see where I had gone wrong. My food had been great, my training was going very well and I felt leaner (thinner!). So why the increase, I should in theory have lost weight this week.

The only thing I could attribute it to, was water. I had been awful with my water intake that week. Despite eating well, I had probably hardly drunk 1 litre a day, where I should be hitting 3 litres (not including tea/coffee).

My next surprise was at my body fat percentage result, I had dropped about 0.40% body fat, which again doesn't sound like much, but is a fair bit. This was pointing more and more into my water intake not being right and my body was holding/storing the water.

In my naivety in the past (before I started this journey), I was never familiar with the effects water had on the body. Yep maybe I was thick. I was told it was important, but never felt it made me feel any differently. Because in those days, I didn't listen to my body ever, I didn't realise the benefits of water.

I also never really realised that our bodies store and retain water like they do. This week was a prime example of this and let's just say I've been drinking a hell of a lot more water since then. 

For me water is boring, I'd much rather drink a coffee or glass of wine. But I have to change my thoughts about it, drinking water gives you energy, keeps your skin clear, clears your body of toxins and when you drink a sufficient about, you can lose weight!!

Having that week of no water, has really made me realise how much our bodies need it and that most people (including myself), do not drink anywhere near enough! I've never been perfect with my water intake, but I am striving every day to put the effort in and drink enough.

Challenge yourself to drink more water, have a litre bottle of water and see how many you can drink in a day. If you drink glasses of water, every day try and drink a little bit more. Myself I will be setting myself timescales: 7-11; 1 litre 11-4; 1 litre 5-9; 1 litre 

I often tell myself 'you can do this', I can and I will!!

Thanks for reading, please share with your friends and family, comment/like and follow me :)

Timehop

Firstly, thank you so much for the lovely comments I've had so far from this blog. It motivated me to keep going and reinforced my determination to keep blogging :)

Timehop

So I downloaded Timehop in the last week, maybe behind the times I know, but didn't really see the point, but thought I'd give it a go. 

What have I discovered...

Well the analyst in me comes out (as that is my profession), from the posts so far from 2-5 years ago, I was unhappy, clearly. I was ill all the time and hated work. That's not news to me and I have mentioned this is previous posts. 

Nowadays I would consider myself very healthy, I hardly ever get ill, but when I do it hits me like a ton of bricks. I suppose what I have taken from this, is that doing what I have, to get fit and healthy, has amazingly improved my health but I will still get ill. 

This doesn't mean I'm not as healthy as I was a previous week, or I've somehow failed myself by getting ill. It is a way of life and we all get ill. The benefit now is that I continue to train as much as I can, my eating continues healthy (if I can) and if both of those things go out the window, I know I will get back to it when I'm feeling better, or close to better.

The realisation that you are in control of you, is amazing. I never felt in control before, things seemed (in the past) to just happen to me, now I choose (for the most part) what happens to me. I think I'm referring mostly to the eating here, to know you can fall off the wagon, but jump straight back on is key. 

Just because you've had chocolate bar with mid morning cuppa, does not mean you have failed for that day, week, month, year! So what you've had a chocolate bar, don't dwell on it, it happened yes, but that chocolate bar does not control what you eat for the rest of your day, week, etc. It's hard to get in this mindset, but incredibly satisfying and keeps you towards your goals. Flexible dieting is what is says on the tin 'flexible'.

I'm no expert, I'm talking from my experiences and how I feel.

So progress this week, I've dropped half a kilo, doesn't sound much does it. I actually don't think that's representing the change I've felt in my body, I feel leaner. My stomach especially feels smaller. The weight on the scales is one element, yes it is a focus of mine currently, but isn't the be all and end all. 

I'm confident that by following my macros this week and training plan, I will achieve an equal if not better result next week - we shall see :) 

Don't let one day/week of disappointment ruin your motivation, this will not stop me going to the gym on Monday and training. Or stop me eating healthy this week! 

Thanks for reading...

Random Thoughts

First Thought

The other day I went to meet a friend in town, I was early so decided to stand outside her workplace and took to taking in my surroundings. There were a fair few people around, mostly shopping or spending their lunchtimes rushing around. But something struck me as worrying or concerning.

The amount of women that look at other women, not just looking and judging me, but looking at others and judging. Before my health journey (I don’t know what else to call it!), I thought people looked at me because of my size and obvious lack of confidence.

What surprised me, was not only did I notice that I was still in need of an evaluation (to compare how I look to others), but it was all women. I actually didn't see that many men doing the same, watching other men and doing quick analysis', like women do.

What a strange breed we are, not only do the majority of us feel uncomfortable in our skin, but we do the worst thing possible to others! Bizarre and little bit scary I think. Maybe I’m wrong, but this is my perception, this is how it feels to me and how it makes me feel, surely I’m not the only one... I had a tendency in the past to not look at people, I hated looking people in the eye, as I thought in some way that by doing I was inflicting them with having to deal with an over-weight woman, I thought (and hated the thought) of them making all the pre-conceived ideas of over-weight people.

We shouldn't feel this need to compare, but we do, it's such a shame. Judging people isn't fair, you don't know who they are, or what they have been through. Think before you stare or judge. We're all human and have all had our battles to get through.

Second Thought

Whenever I look at my shadow, I see the old me. The bigger me. The fat me. The person I hated!

I like it when my shadow is behind me and I don't need to look at it, but sometimes you need to face your past to focus on the now and progress to the future.

Today sat waiting for the train, I stared at my shadow, hating the size it was portraying, thinking to myself that I'm no longer that person and never want to be again.

Right now my results are halting, stalling slightly if you will. I need my head to stop thinking I'm doing so well and realise the massive hurdles I still need to get over.

The problem with the weight loss/health journey is that you do reach a point where you are looking good, but you aren't at the end, but your head and people around you think you can become easier in yourself from a eating and exercise point of view.

This is not the case and I'm living that right now. My head and those around me think I'm in such a good place that I can eat different things - yes to some degree this is the case. But I would advise you to think again, re-focus, what is your next goal, what do you want, are you really happy with now and surely you don't want to go back, so no way can you start eating like you were (the were for me; 16 months ago)!

For me this isn't the first time I've encountered these thoughts or feelings. At different points in the process/journey you think, wow I'm doing so well. People are noticing and commenting, asking your advice and you look good or better than you did. Your head does weird and strange things, it goes a bit melancholy and you start to slip into old habits or new habits that can be just as bad.

Denial is massive during these stages, the human brain is sly and will start to make you deny the things you are doing. Less training at the gym (making up excuses that you believe), sneaking in extra bits into your diet (saying you deserve it, it won't affect your results)...! Sound familiar??!!   If not, you are lucky, this is my experience either way.

I am now at 67.5kg, my body fat is at 19.05%. I train 6 times a week, sometimes 5 depending on work and have a non training day macros to hit on those days off. My work is complicated, 2 full time jobs on the go, with little or no time for everything. I’ve also started a part time distance learning Personal Training Course, I am to work 16 hours at the Loft Gym, fitted around my hours in my normal job. This leaves little time to relax, see friends and family, but it is a short term situation for a long term gain.

I need to make sure I don’t burn out, or become ill with all this extra stuff going on. My body is becoming more and more used to me pushing past illness’. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ill all the time, no-where near where I was in the past (I used to get every illness, cold, virus going around). Now what happens, I get a cold (for example), I push past it, drug myself up and carry on, vary rarely letting my body get the rest it probably needs. This is both from a work and training perspective.

Recently I fell fowl to this, I had a cold, which turned to a cough, which turned to sinusy thing, that then seemed to stop, but then hit me with a chest infection – this nearly floored me, had to admit defeat and took some time off work and training. For all my talk on previous blogs about listening to your body, I’m not doing it, I just carry on and on and don’t let it rest.

In the end my body stops me, it always does. The body is a clever clever machine, it will stop you and make you feel awful, if you won’t listen to it and stop when it needs rest to recover from illness.

Enough of my ranting on here today, hopefully some thoughtful bits and pieces.

Thanks for reading...0

Train Writing & Reflections

I'm writing this on the train, thinking to myself what a long journey I'm on (an hour & it is boiling). Putting things in perspective is an amazing tool, yes right now my train journey feels lengthy & tiring - sounds very familiar to my healthy body journey. Through it's course there have been times that fly by, where I enjoy every second. There are times like now (I have felt this before as well), where things are a struggle, I'm craving things I can't eat (doesn't help that due to reduced macros I'm hungry a lot of the time!). I'm thinking to myself on this train how nice it would be to go home, sit and not get up,, rather than drag myself to the gym! But then my fitness self (so to speak), wakes up and says 'ok do that, but how bad will you feel that you didn't train today, it's 1 hour out of the day - suck it up & bloody well go'. She's a bossy cow sometimes, but she's right. It's not my body's fault I've been up since 5, working for 9 hours, travelling for 3 hours today! There are 24 hours in a day, 1 hour to train more than my body deserves right? My body makes sure I can function all day, so why shouldn't it get a fix of what it needs.... 

I'm not sure if this writing will help or inspire anyone, it is just my story, my struggles and successes. The people around you are key, I wouldn't be here today without my friends and family, but mainly jenny my sister, for not caring what I eat, for not worrying when I'm getting back late from work and going straight to the gym, to then eat and fall into bed.

A body is a building, you need to create the foundations before you can build the house. The foundations are your nutrition and exercise technique. Making sure you know what you put in your body, why and how it makes you feel. The wrong fuel in a car will cause it to break down, your body is the same. If you don't do the exercise in the right way you will break, you can try and jump in all guns blazing, yeah at first you may succeed, but what's the point if you aren't doing it right and hitting the right muscles?

I sound like I know it all, I don't, at this stage of writing I've been doing this for 16 months. My ideal physique will probably take another 6 months of so to develop, that's realistic. Realism is essential, it is not real that everyone will be able to lose their weight, keep it off and maintain a consistent diet and exercise regime. You have to want to do it, dedicate your mind and say no to people sometimes.

I used to hate saying the word 'no', I felt it was such a negative word and in no way could mean anything other than someone wasn't getting what they wanted or needed. At work I would have so much piled in me, because I couldn't say no. Rather me be burned out than someone else. Why, am I not as important as them, should you not be one of the most important if not the most important person in your own life??

Thanks for reading :)

Don't know what to title this...

All the rest of my posts had been written in and around the past year, I don’t have the dates of when, but have a rough idea from what I was talking about. These blogs are written now and I am hoping to post one every week or two, with my progress, how I’m feeling, challenges, etc.

I can’t wait to see what happens next, I’ve never looked like this before (well I was when I was teenager, but I had issues then and thought I needed to diet), I don’t know what I will look like when I get to my next goal and then what I want to get to next. I’m aiming to weigh 60kg currently (I never thought that would be a goal for me), it is very achievable, but I have no idea what I will look like. Currently we are lucky (I say we, my personal trainer and me) that we have been able to build shape at the same time as lose weight (or should I say fat). Therefore, a lot of people are surprised that I want to go further to lose more weight and not stay where I am.

All I can say is that this isn’t how my body should look, I can’t explain how I know that, I just know this isn’t my body yet. There are still areas of wobble that need to go, that isn’t me being vain, it is fact, I will show you if you ask. Wobble is not good and the frustrating thing for me currently is I can feel the muscle underneath, I just need the fat to go and the skin to snap in to the right place (hopefully). It is also the case that 60kg is not my final goal, most likely I will want to push that further, for my height I should weigh less than that. I will be lean at 60kg, but I will more than likely want to get to the right weight for my height (wow even this time last year, I wouldn’t have believed that!).

Once again I have been lucky in that my skin has snapped back where it should be, well so far, there is still time for me to find that the last won’t go away. But we shall see, unfortunately that is a waiting game for me to see what my body does when I lose those last percentages of fat.

I’ve said I’m lucky a fair few times throughout this and I’m conscious that it wasn’t all luck, as it sounds above. Tom would not have put the time and effort into me, if I hadn’t shown my drive and commitment, why would he put loads of effort and time into helping me, if I didn’t eat what I should and train as I should. I’m not going to take all the credit, I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for Tom, he transformed my life and I can’t thank him enough, but he knows that and I don’t want to give him a big head.

I haven’t mentioned the type of gym training I do much in my blog, although have alluded to it, I weight train, I am in effect a body builder. I rarely do cardio, if I do it is more in the form of interval training or getting my heart rate up by doing squat jumps for example. I started off with programmes containing a combination of body parts to train in a day. Now my training days are split into Back, Shoulder, Chest and two days of legs, splitting the muscles in my legs on different days.

Personally I wouldn’t want to do anything else now, I love getting a personal best with my weights when it doesn’t affect my technique/form. I was forced into a rest day the other day, it got to 5pm that day and I decided I couldn’t do this and decided to go for a jog (with small sprints to raise my heart rate more), this would never happened before to me and to be honest didn’t really enjoy the jog. It isn’t for me, I can see why people do it and I wouldn’t be put off going again, just to see if I have improved at all, but that would be it. I’m competitive with myself, I always want to beat myself up. I used to beat myself up in another way, but now I beat myself in the gym.

The hardest thing to decide is your goals, until now I never thought it was possible to change my body as I have. When you are between 15-18 stone, it is hard to picture yourself other than that size. To dare to dream you could be a healthy size, feels like you are setting yourself up to fail.

When discussing with Tom what I wanted, at the start, all I could articulate is 'smaller' I need to lose weight. Not a goal of 'healthy' or 'toned' or even a desired size/weight. I just wanted less of me. After this we didn't discuss goals, until around June 2014 and even now it is difficult to say what I want. There are physiques which I aspire to like, but my body may not suit that physique completely, at just 19% body fat, I'm in a place where we cannot know what shape my body will be, we can build & focus on areas. But until these last bits of fat fuck off, it is a tad unknown how far I can take this & what I will look like.

I’m asked about how I stay motivation; Motivation and being psyched up for every training session is a tricky thing to pin point. For me it has changed throughout my journey. Sometimes a good set of songs can really help you focus & get out of your head (or in your head depending on what you need). More recently watching Greg Plitt's videos inspire me to push myself that bit further than normal.

You have off days, you have days maybe even weeks where training doesn't go to plan, or you’re not feeling it. Maybe you can't lift as much, for example. This could be for a number of reason, maybe your eating wasn't quite right, you’re not getting enough sleep , works stressful or simple a combination of things. Don't let this disheartened, this is life, in every aspect we go through this, in different guises. At work it's an off week where you don't hit all your targets/deadlines. In your relationship it's a time when all you seem to do is argue or not talk.

Sometimes they are the times which help you either fight for what you want of flee. The important thing is it is your choice and quite often makes you better for it. I'm not going to tell you that weight lifting will be your thing and will work. It isn't for everyone! Yes it worked for me, but I can't run to save my life. Cardio is not my strong point and I know that, but took me years to realise that, after years of trying many different things.

Food wise, I was given a healthy set of foods to eat, with a certain amount of fat, carbs and protein to consume with these foods. Using myfitnesspal to track. This along with tracking my losses, Tom was able (after what seemed like many many months), was able to establish my maintenance, I think my body is deceiving. Maintenance is a set of protein, carbs and fat, which can be eaten to maintain my weight, important for when dieting has to stop (I never thought that would be the case). We then worked on increasing/maintaining my metabolism, which couldn't have been slower at the start. How my body used to run I have no idea!! No wonder I didn't ever lose weight...!

Thanks for reading...

BodyPower, Summer Shredders and other things...

I attended Bodypower at the NEC in Birmingham in 2014, this is an expedition of the fitness world, with companies, athletes and enthusiast filling a couple of the halls at the NEC. It was incredible!  I was almost shocked into silence by it, trying to take it all in. There was so much to see, take in and digest. But the main thing I took away was motivation, I really wanted to train, I really wanted to push my body to the next level. I wanted to increase my knowledge of fitness and nutrition and follow some of the fitness models I met and saw.

This is absolutely a lifestyle, for me it is one of the most important things in my life now, I 
know I have to work to earn money and my career is of course still important, I am not the sort of person to go to work and not care. But my health is far more important, pushing my body to its limits is a choice. I’m not saying I’m going to become so muscley that is all you see when you look at me, that is not the case, I want to look awesomely defined, I want to inspire people to do what I did, or at least look at changing something that they do in regards to fitness or nutrition.

Yes sometimes I think, ‘is this all worth it’. I get very tired occasionally, to the point where I do need a nap in the afternoon. There are days if working in London, that I leave my house at 6.15, work till 5ish (sometimes later), heading straight to the gym and not getting home till 9pm. Struggling to fit in all the food I need to, before showering and going to bed for 9.30-10, so I can do it all again the next day. Yes it is tough and I could not do that every day, but for a week I can (I work Mon-Thurs, full time), my Fri, Sat and Sun are busy, but no-where near as busy, I make sure I leave myself some 'me' time, where I can rest, my body and my mind. It is important to keep my mind rested as well.

I’ve typed this during my week off (I wrote this a while ago, think this was April/May 2014), 
I am having some work doing to my house and to free up the space and help out, I’m living at my mums. So my holiday will be, going to the gym twice a day (class in the morning, training with PT or PT session in the afternoon/evening), gardening (very little so doesn’t affect my macros too much), walking dog and anything else I fancy doing. Some work will be done, it has to, I work flexibly so this has helped me in the past and will do in the future.

I’d love to be going abroad, sunning myself & exploring new places, but with the work on the house and lack of money, this is not an option. I also wanted to see if I could handle this at the gym, 2 sessions a day is a lot and not something I would recommend. The class I did in the morning isn’t like a normal training session and I could ensure I don’t push myself too much, so it doesn’t effect my training in the afternoon/evening. It also allows me to push it a week before the end of our Summer Shredders programme.

6 weeks prior to writing the above, Tom organised a Summers Shredders programme, which would take place in 6-8 weeks, people could have their macros set for them and training programmes written per training session, for an extremely reasonable price. I have been doing macros for longer than 6 weeks and training with Tom is having my training programmes written for me, but a difference for me was having my progression shots taken every 2 weeks. I used to hate having my photo taken, back when I was bigger I had an almost fear of having a photo taken of myself. So getting nearly naked (in my bikini) in front of someone and having those photos critiqued was a massive hurdle for me.

In my life I had never put a bikini on, no that is a lie! I had picked them up, taken them to the changing rooms and cringed at myself. Sometimes even laughing at myself for being that idiot, who thought they could possibly look nice in that item of clothing. So picking a bikini was difficult, I took a friend from the gym with me, who had equal problems with the idea of a bikini. Let’s just say, it was not the best trip, we found nothing that was a) the right style b) fitted well enough. Luckily Jenny knew of a good website for them and we ordered online and tried on the bikinis with each other, to make sure we didn’t chicken out.

I was again lucky that my PT is very professional, the pictures were easy to take and were done so quickly I didn’t know what I was worried about. Well that was until I had to take my second and even my third. But after they are taken and you can see your progress staring you in the face, it is hard not to smile or feel some sort of achievement. ‘I did that’, yes I have lots of help, but all that help would be nothing if I didn’t get off my arse and do the work. My personal trainer will train on his own or with someone else if I didn’t train with him. If I didn’t turn up to my PT sessions, they just wouldn’t take place and I would waste my money. 

If I didn’t log into my fitness pal and plan what I’m going to eat everyday and making sure my fridge/cupboards are stocked and spend time cooking/prepping that food for the next day if needed, then it wouldn’t happen. I would be tempted to have stuff I shouldn’t have, I would faulter!

My 4^th bikini progression picture (I had other progression pictures, but they were in gym clothes, so very different in terms of seeing progress), I was really interested to see what had changed in the last 2 weeks and from the start. I was nervous, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that, I feel nervous every time I have my measurements taken, step on the scales and have my body fat percentage worked out. Of course you will feel like that if you had been bad, not hit your macros like you should have and not worked out as hard. However, I usually feel this way, even when I have been spot on all week. I have never liked tests and these all feel like tests to me. Testing me to see if I can continue to drop 1kg a week, or 0.50% of body fat, will my lean muscle mass go down or stay solid. These are all things that go through my head and yep sometimes I have weeks where you know what, I’ve hit everything as I should and yet still my results aren’t where my head thinks they should be.

Thanks for reading...